Christmas is a festive time when we welcome visitors into our home for celebration, when we renew bonds of kinship and comradeship. We look forward to these visits from our friends, our neighbors, and our family. But you might receive some unexpected visitors this holiday season, some ethereal spirits known as the Ghost of Storage Past, the Ghost of Storage Present, and the Ghost of Storage Yet to Come.

The Ghost of Storage Past will refresh your memory, retelling the story of the Christmas two years ago when your mother-in-law gave you that hideous lamp, the one you took to the storage unit the minute she was out the door. The grinning ghost will remind you that your mother-in-law is coming for Christmas again this year, and you need to retrieve the ugly lamp and make sure it is on prominent display when she arrives.

The Ghost of Storage Present will tell you that you need a present, specifically a “white elephant” present for the gift exchange at the party you are attending this weekend. The kindly ghost will show you all the possibilities your storage unit holds for fulfilling this humorous obligation. Elvis cocoa mugs? Got ‘em. Duck Dynasty place mats? Let’s see, they’re in here somewhere …

The Ghost of Storage Yet to Come will show you the scene of your mother-in-law arriving for her holiday visit five days from now. After watching her beam with satisfaction at the ugly lamp, you will escort her to the guest room, where she will bump her shin on the weight set and scowl at the craft boxes strewn over the top of the bed. This ghost’s stern warning? Get that guest room cleared out – the storage unit is again your friend.

We hope you enjoyed this little Christmas tale, and that you will take to heart the moral of the story: for a happy holiday season, don’t forget the storage unit.

With apologies to Charles Dickens, author of A Christmas Carol.